amos all tangled up

Gary Mitchell and Amos

Editor’s note: Amos is a church mouse, unable to use the keyboard shift keys and unschooled in the art of punctuation.

boss in case you re
wondering why there s
kool-aid and coffee
stains all over this
week s column it s
because marcellus
that mangy malevolent
cat has been running
amuck lately

he s been a holy
terror – well maybe
not so holy – more
like an ungodly
plague by night

life hasn t been easy
under the church pews
these last couple of
weeks boss

in fact i m still pretty
strung up by it all
here s what happened
i crossed marcellus
path a few days ago to
check out the cheese
supply in the church
kitchen refrigerator
all of a sudden
marcellus came whirling
around a dark corner
with his claws clacking
on the linoleum tile –
to a mouse boss it s a
sound worse than
fingernails on a chalkboard

the nearest possible
escape for me was to
slide under the storage
closet door – i oughta
know better by now boss
because that closet is
still filled with a cherry
kool-aid flavored
tangled-up church
volleyball net – and i
landed smack dab in
the middle of it

the more i tried to get
away the worse it got –
there i was dangling like
a mousy pretzel wrapped up
five different ways in kool-aid
flavored volleyball string

connie cricket hopped by
and asked me what game i
was playing and that she
liked my new after shave
but it was a little
too strong

go away and leave me
alone says me not feeling
very friendly

okay but you ll want me
to play with you one day
then we ll see mister
smarty mouse says she

after that freddy flea
passed by
whatcha doing says he

help me freddy help me
says me

how d you get to be like
that says he i don t think
a mouse like you can
possibly hang like that

never mind says me
get me outa here

boss we tried and we
tried but it went from
bad to worse

finally freddy had to
leave so there i was
upside down with my
tail hanging in front
of my face

the more i sat like that
the less it seemed like
a netty prison and the
more it became a
secret meditation place –
a place to meet with god
heart to heart
soul to soul and
spirit to spirit

you know what boss
the more i communed with
the lord and rested in him
the more relaxed i became
and soon – plop – out of
the net i dropped

sometimes like the writer
of ecclesiastes says
better is a handful of
quietness than much
striving after wind

amos