With high-tech apologies to Clement C. Moore

By Tom DiFrancesca

’Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring — except for a computer mouse.
For you see, “Dad” was lazy this year and didn’t get his shopping done.
Now he’s at froogle.google.com — trying to find a really good deal, on a brand new BB-gun.
“Wake up, Bubba, and smell the coffee, the Internet is wonderful, the Internet is great,
but no matter what you do now — it’s really way too late.”

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
while anxious little Jimmy typed away on his computer, in his room upstairs.
For you see, he heard that Santa’s progress could be tracked
and, thank goodness for Cox Cable Internet — Jimmy was doing just that.
For you see he went to www.noradsanta.org,
and he began following the jolly old man, as he made his trek from the north.

The rest of the children were nestled all snug in their beds,
while Jimmy continued to surf and dream of that brand new shiny red sled.
For you see, he had gone to www.santas-colo.com/messagetosanta.htm and typed an online message to Santa,
because, now that the man has an Internet connection, he’s become a cybersurfing, webcrawling, World Wide Web-savy — phantom.

If you don’t believe me, if you think this is a joke,
just hop on over to www.claus.com, and you’ll see, that it’s the truth that I’ve spoke.
Type in the address, give it a try,
visit the North Pole — you’ll see, I’m not telling a lie.

The work is hard up north, this time of the year — but, again — thanks to the Internet, Santa and his crew
have been listening to Christmas music all the day through.
For you see, they just hopped over to www.netscape.com and clicked on the “Radio” link every morning,
and you see, the music is totally free, no advertising and no annoying warnings.
There’s Christmas music of all kinds that come with Netscape Radio,
music for kiddies, music for older folks, and even music for weirdos.
Every musical taste can be satisfied, every scratch can be itched,
and remember, the service is free — so you don’t have to be rich.

Back at the house, as the hours wiled away —
little Jimmy couldn’t sleep, so on the computer he played.
He had gone to www.google.com and performed a quick search on “Christmas games,”
and sure enough, he found what he was looking for, at a Web site entitled “Kids Domain.”
He eagerly typed in the Internet address of www.kidsdomain.com —
and what he found was surely the ultimate bomb.
For you see, the Web site offered games galore —
regular ordinary games, and and those that required skills and a great deal more.
When Jimmy became all played out, and was done having fun —
he surfed on over to www.weather.com.
For you see, they track the weather there — 24 hours day,
so Santa can make his travel plans early, so nothing can get in his way.
Nothing goes unnoticed, nothing is missed,
their predictions are on target and their data is the best.
And, sure enough, they had earlier predicted snow,
and as Jimmy sat at his computer, he heard the wind begin to blow.
He ran to his window, and he opened it quick,
and after hearing a noise on the roof — quickly scanned the sky for traces of St. Nick.
Looking out through the snow and watching it fall,
Jimmy then heard a friendly voice calling “Merry Christmas to everyone — Merry Christmas to all!”

Tom DiFrancesca III is a freelance columnist and a resident of Clovis. He can be reached at
tomdifran@ureach.com or www.trackertom.com