Holiday messages from country’s leaders

by Ned Cantwell

Thanksgiving messages from some of the best and the brightest:

n Gov. Bill Richardson: We are thankful for New Mexico. This nation, this nation that we all love, is a better place with New Mexico in it. And I would like to add my personal thanks that the New Mexico press and the national press have, at least for the time being, stopped mentioning the possibility that I might be a future president of these United States.

I want to say again that I have found fulfillment as the governor of the state of New Mexico and am not interested in the presidency. So it is good that we have, at least for the time being, stopped reminding people that I am a Democratic Party stud and that I might one day be considered for president. By that, I mean, president of the United States, and I am just thankful we are not talking about it.

n President George W. Bush: Being thankful is good. It is a good thing to be thankful. Because when you give thanks, you’re thankful. And notice when I say THANK-ful how I clearly and forcefully enunciate to show how comfortable I have become with most two-syllable words. And so today I join my fellow Americans in giving thanks so the world will know this great country is filled with gratitude.

n John Kerry: People ask me, and the question is not just rhetorical, whether in my heart of hearts I am secretly thankful that I lost the election to President George W. Bush. Well, let me answer that question. And let me answer that question clearly and concisely so there will be no doubt where I stand on this issue.

At first I was not thankful that I lost the election. Then I was thankful for about three days, and then I was not thankful again. Right this moment, as I speak with you today, I am thankful … not … thankful … not … thankful.

But just in case that is not clear enough, let us look at the root of the word “grateful.” Many people who don’t know better, and I would suggest to you George Bush is one of them, look to “grate” as the root word. That is incorrect, although, it is of some interest that “grate” is what George Bush does to my nerves. No, the word we need to look at here, that is, when we are speaking of “grateful,” is the word “gracious.” And I have a message for all of you about the word “gracious,” but I will not be able to deliver that message at this point in time because, unfortunately, it seems you have all dozed off.

n Gov. Richardson: It’s me again. It seems that since my annual Thanksgiving message delivered on the steps of the capitol building here in Santa Fe, there has been a disturbing increase in speculation that I might one day seek national office.

I am therefore today appointing a czar whose job will be to constantly remind the people of New Mexico that I am not being considered as a nominee for president of the United States. The new czar is syndicated columnist Ned Cantwell who, quite frankly, seems to have way too much time on his hands.

Czar Cantwell is a retired newspaperman living in Ruidoso. He is thankful for response to:
ncantwell@charter.net