View from under the pew: Amos falls in a vat of chocolate

By Gary Mitchell

Editor’s note: In response to a reader’s request, Amos asked to have his chocolate vat adventure rerun. Amos is a church mouse, who types by hopping on the computer keyboard, but he can’t operate the capital shift keys, and he shuns punctuation marks – except dashes and hyphens.

amos falls into a vat
of chocolate

boss i was just minding my
own business the other day
jogging across the church s
kitchen counter when my
little mousy toes tripped
over a chocolate-covered
spatula and i fell headlong
into a bigger-than-life
bowl of chocolate
it was horrible boss i
came up sputtering and
gagging and my whiskers
were dripping continuously
with the dark syrupy mess
it was at that point that
little ryan rabbit came
hopping by with his fuzzy
mother  look mommy it s one
of those chocolate-covered
easter bunnies he said
hey mister easter bunny
will you give me an easter
egg all chocolaty and pure
no but if you come any
closer i ll give you a lump
on the noggin that s for
sure now go away and
leave me alone
he sure is a grumpy
easter bunny says ryan
as he hopped merrily away
just then sammy salamander
came by and said why do you
get all the fun amos and dove
right into the middle of me and
the chocolate hey this is great
he says then looks at me
whatza matter can t you do
the back stroke like me says he
no i can t do the back stroke
says me and besides i don t
want to do the back stroke
can t you see that i m drowning
in this chocolate sea

oh sorry i thought you were
playing like me says he
do you want to get out
oh no why should i want
out i said sarcastically
i thought i would dive down
and touch the bottom of the
bowl and then see how much
chocolate i could stuff in my
ears how about that huh

yeah that sounds like fun says
sammy and down he went to
the bottom of the bowl
but i don t think i have any
ears he moaned
never mind i shouted get me
outta here but it didn t do any
good boss he was on his way
to the bottom of the bowl again
just then louie the songdog
padded by hi amos looks
like you got chocolate all
over you how about a big
ol sloppy lick he asks
louie just get me outta
here and you can have
all the licks you want
says me desperately
ok here goes and he
picks me up by the tail
and holds me over his
mouth with chocolate
dripping off my little
soggy whiskers
mm good louie said as
he slurped me up one side
and then down the other

boss i would never like
being a doggie popsicle
but this time i couldn t
have been happier
i gave the flop-eared louie
a big ol mousy kiss and
went running deliriously
in search of the nearest
bird bath
to misquote a famous movie
guy by the name of amos
gump or something
life is like a big bowl of
chocolate cause you never
know how it s gonna turn out –
it can be sweet or you can
drown in it