Oct. 2, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody?

• Sarah Palin will meet Senator Joe Biden Thursday at Washington University in St. Louis in the vice presidential debate. Americans will be rushing home tonight and popping popcorn. Everybody loves watching the Tournament of Imbeciles on Jeopardy.

• John McCain’s debate with Barack Obama Friday drew unexpectedly low television ratings. The political analysts were shocked by the low number of viewers. This is why the three broadcast networks still won’t put an interracial couple in a TV show.

• Wall Street soared Tuesday, one day after the bailout bill’s defeat in Congress caused an 800-point drop. Home foreclosures are dragging down the world’s wealthiest people. A few months ago Ed McMahon was a pariah, and today he’s a pioneer.

• The New York Mets blew the division lead and failed to make the playoffs again Sunday. Last week one Mets fan paid $10,000 for Mets playoff tickets, but he did not lose his money. He paid for them with his Washington Mutual debit card.

• New York’s billionaire mayor Michael Bloomberg announced plans Thursday to run for a third term. He must maneuver around the two-term limit. He only takes $1 a year in salary but after the week he’s had in the market, he needs the four bucks.

• President Bush is the subject of Oliver Stone’s new movie, released three weeks before Election Day. He’s reportedly depressed at the thought that his term is almost over. Last week, he crashed the stock market and even that didn’t cheer him up.

• President Bush warned if Congress doesn’t come up with $700 billion dollars this week there will be painful, lasting damage. Lawmakers were skeptical. They don’t realize he’s paying for the Iraq war with money borrowed from Tony Soprano.

• President Bush stated Tuesday the U.S. will accept 80,000 refugees next year. It’s a humanitarian gesture. He has great empathy for people who are hounded in their own countries just because they were wrong about weapons of mass destruction.