amos the churchmouse: wiley weasel s terrific translation

Gary Mitchell

amos the churchmouse:
a view from under the pew

Editor’s note: Amos is a churchmouse, who types by hopping on the computer keyboard, but he can’t operate the capital shift, and he shuns punctuation marks – except hyphens and dashes.

wiley weasel s terrific translation

boss i was hard at
work doing my regular
bible study the other
day when wiley weasel
sorta popped in like he
does from time to time

boss wiley weasel is to
bible study methods
like mr haney is to
the hooterville economy
on the green acres tv show

he has something for
everybody when it
comes to bible study
aids translations and
bible commentaries

why i have just the
thing for you says
wiley in his high-pitched
whinny voice
it ll make you the bible
bug you never were

or ever wanted to be
says me

come on now looky here
says he spreading out his
biblical wares before me

here are some translations
every discerning bible
student must have

for example we have the
roswell alien s study bible
complete with a comprehensive
map of e t s home and the
universe as well as the
proposed missionary journeys
of apollo 24 and 25 to mars
jupiter pluto and beyond

here s what the 23rd psalm
sounds like in this new
translation -
the lord is my alien master
i shall not live in a space
vacuum he makes me to lie
down under starry skies
and leads me to my next
star trek episode

i m not so sure about that
says me somewhat suspiciously

then we have the holy
genderless bible translation
says wiley rather persistently

in this account god is sorta
nebulous like god tends to be
in most people s minds

here s how the lord s prayer
is rendered in this translation -
our heavenly parent spirit
- forget that abba father jazz
says he – hallowed be thy name

wait a minute says me
how can we reverence god s
name if we don t even know
what gender he she or it
should be