amos the churchmouse: amos turns holiday glutton

Gary Mitchell

amos the churchmouse:
a view from under the pew

Editor’s note: Amos is a churchmouse who types by hurling himself at the keys, but he can’t use the shift keys, and he shuns punctuation marks — except for hyphens and dashes.

amos turns holiday glutton

this holiday season
got the best of me i
turned into a
i don t know if you
know it or not but
church folk can throw some
outlandish food parties
this time of the year

visions of cheesecakes
cheese crackers and cheese
rolls danced in my head
on their way to my tummy

it s joyous time of
the year says i – with
my mouth stuffed from
ear to ear with a
cheese-filled pear – to
anyone who was near

happy cheese year says
willifred the white rat
as we toasted our
toasted cheese crackers
to each other

i tell ya boss it was
nearly heaven on earth
and then at the stroke
of midnight sammy
salamander entered the
church pew underworld
basement door with his
arms loaded down with
cheese pizza – and i
nearly passed out
from sheer delight

now go easy on the
cheese goodies says
pastor leroy beetle
who s quite aware of
my affinity for such
culinary treats boss

sure pastor leroy says me
say how would you like
to join me in a cheese
twistie or a cheddar pretzel

you re going to turn
into a cheddar pretzel
he warned you d better
go sleep it off in the barn

party pooper says me to him
and i went back to get
my fill of a cheese-filled

finally the party and
the flowing cheese river
ended and i gently tucked
my overextended tummy into
my little matchbox bed

ah now for a long
winter s nap says me
but alas it wasn t
to be i tossed and i
turned my stomach
roiled and burned i
broke out in sweats
and i shivered with
the cold my head ached
and my tummy reeled
and rolled

about that time louie
the songdog padded by
my little matchbox pad
and heard my groaning
and moaning

whatsa matter little guy
says he with a twinkle
in his eye it sounds like
a war going on there
need any help or a
little cheer

my tummy is keeping me
awake it s putting me in
an awful state

when louie asked me what
i ate boss his eyes
rolled to the back of
his shaggy head
amos says he don t you
know the bible warns
against that sort of

but i just was having fun
lamented me

but it s not fun now is it
says he god doesn t give us
these warnings to take
away our fun but to make
our life better to give
us joy in the sun

he was right boss gluttony
is a cheesy way to live
life sure feels better when
you follow god s way