A View From Under the Pew: An artist’s strange family tree

Editor's note: Amos is a churchmouse, who types by hopping on the computer keyboard, but he can't operate the capital shift keys, and he shuns punctuation marks — except dashes and hyphens.

an artist s strange family tree

just the other day boss i

ran into alfred the reclusive

burrowing owl who

moonlights as a archaeologist

for the local university

hey alfred says me what s

happening in the

dead-and-gone underground

well says he shooting a

furtive glance over his

shoulder – i did find a

fascinating document while

tunneling through some

ancient canals and sewer

lines in paris and the


paris and the netherlands

says me what would you

find over there

you d be surprised says he

but the most amazing item

was a document listing a

notable family tree

you mean like a genealogical

treasure map says me

well that depends on whose

it might be says he

well whose is it

it claims to be the vincent

van gogh family tree

van gogh – you mean the

famous artist – is his name

listed on it

no not exactly says he

part of the document was

apparently partially

destroyed – the part that

listed the central figure

of the family tree – all of

the other members are

listed in relation to that

person – it would be nice

if we knew it to be him but

we don t know at this point

who then is listed on this

mysterious family

tree says me

let me refer to my list here

for the names we ve

deciphered says he it s

all very intriguing you see

for example there s a person

listed as an obnoxious brother

named please gogh

then a dizzy aunt called

verti gogh and a brother who

ate prunes dubbed gotta gogh

boss i was starting to have

some suspicions about the

authenticity of alfred s

fascinating find

are you sure about this

says me dubiously

well you can t be absolutely

certain without the central

figure s name says he but the

rest of the list might give us

some clues

here are a few other examples

for your muse – a brother who

worked at a convenience store

nicknamed stopn gogh

whoa bro – go slow there – a

convenience store – i m not so sure

how about a grandfather from

yugoslavia named u gogh or a

brother who bleached his

clothes white – hue gogh

here i m certain these will

convince you and your nagging

doubts – there s a cousin from

illinois named chi-ca gogh or

how about a magician uncle

listed as where-diddy gogh

and a mexican cousin –

a-mee gogh – or the mexican

cousin s american half-brother

green gogh

of course there were also the

bird lover uncle – fla-min gogh –

a bouncy nephew – poe gogh – as

well as the niece who traveled the

country in a van – winnie bay gogh

boss methinks our astute friend

alfred has been burrowing his

head in too many holes in the

ground – he s become a victim of

loco-when-the-mind-gogh syndrome


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