Amos the churchmouse — joe bob the jokester

Editor’s note: Amos is a churchmouse, who types by hopping on the computer keyboard, but he can’t operate the capital shift keys, and he shuns punctuation marks – except dashes and hyphens.

 

boss i don t know if

you noticed or not but i

skipped town last week

for texas and i met the

strangest character – even

for a texan

 

my name s joe bob

mcalister the fun-loving

fiesty ferret says he

when jenny and i were

shopping in the san

marcos outlet mall –

except it s more like

a small town than a mall

 

who did you say you were

says me do you come from

bugtussle

 

naw i m from austin says he

my name s joe bob and i m

the funniest guy you ll ever meet

 

that s great says me grabbing

jenny and trying to escape

nice to meet ya jim bob

 

naw that s joe bob son not

jim bob you new mexico

mice don t catch on very

quick do you

 

no we don t says me

agreeably well so long

 

not so fast silver flash

obviously you don t

know what a talented

ferret i am says he

boastfully and he stroked

his massive dark gray

handlebar mustache –

which looked really

weird on a little reddish-

brown ferret creature and

which i suspect was fake

 

i m the king of riddles and

puns ain t none better i m

number one in fact let me

ask you one of my favorites –

how do crazy people go

through the forest

 

you re asking me says me

how should i know do i

look like a crazy person

maybe you ought to ask

yourself that question

 

never mind says he

here s the answer to how

do crazy people go through

the forest – they take the

psycho path of course

 

you need some help jim bob

 

that s joe bob son here let s

try another one – how do you

get holy water

 

i don t know says me you

pray over it or get it from

the local priest

 

naw silly you boil the hell out of it

 

jenny and i rolled our

eyes and we tried to sneak

away boss but to no avail

 

you liked that one didn t

you joe bob says stroking

his phony mustache here s

a good one – what do prisoners

use to call each other

 

i give up says me

 

cell phones says he see how

easy this is – here you go

try this one – what lies at

the bottom of the ocean

and twitches

 

i don t know says me again

 

a nervous wreck says he

see how much fun this is – as a

mouse you ll like this one – what

do you call cheese that isn t yours

give up says me

 

nacho cheese says he laughing

hard and tweaking his mustache –

here let s try one more for the road –

what do you call santa s helpers

elves says me

 

no says he subordinate clauses

well so long for now i ll see you

next year about this time – and he

sauntered off in the mall s sunset

 

not if i can help it says me

under my breath

boss methinks if i hear another

pun or riddle anytime soon i ll

volunteer for a stint with the

bugtussle street sweeping squad

 

amos