Editor’s note: Amos is a church mouse, who types by hopping on the computer keyboard, but he can’t operate the capital shift keys, and he shuns punctuation marks – except dashes and hyphens. the story of st valentine boss i realize that it will soon be valentine s day and the other day i wanted to find out more about that weird holiday and why people do such strange things in such peculiar ways i ran across a couple of old discarded encyclopedias but they only confused me most people believe that valentine s day was connected to a saint by that same name but boss history records only two saints by that name and both had their heads chopped off to me that sounds like an awful sad love story - and has almost nothing to do with valentine cards red hearts wild roses or chocolate-covered cherries so boss i decided to hunt up willifred the white rat - you remember willifred boss - he was a mad scientist s experimental mouse before his conversion - anyway he invented a miniature time machine for the church pew underworld - he calls it the tiny time traveler and it fits into any regular model motorized matchbox such as my 57 cheeserolet at any rate boss i jumped into willifred s tiny time traveler and went searching through time for that shadowy st valentine i landed somewhere in the late 200s smack dab in the catacombs under the city of rome it wasn t long before i found some other mousy christians like me except they were wearing cheesecloth togas hey have you guys seen st valentine says me keep it down you clown yelled a burly roman rat with the face of an ungodly bat i tell you boss he didn t look much like a christian to me so i decided to rephrase my question a little more delicately i d like to meet that wonderful saint of god who s called valentine says me can you direct me to his vicinity sure says he you can find him in that sanctuary and he pointed to a little grotto transformed into a chapel he s conducting one of a dozen wedding ceremonies says he to me secretly why are you whispering says me because his joy is the emperor s misery says he why - what do you mean says me the emperor claudius the cat says single mice and rats make the best army cadets so nobody can marry says he that s my decree but dear valentine that priest so kind disobeys the emperor s demand and marries sweethearts throughout the land - so love doth grow in the catacombs below boss remembering that valentine was beheaded for his bravery calls to mind that verse that says - no greater love is there than this that one lay down his life for his friends amos