amos the churchmouse:
a view from under the pew

Editor’s note: Amos is a churchmouse, who types by hopping on the keyboard shift keys, but he can’t operate the capital shift, and he shuns punctuation marks – except dashes and hyphens.

amos tries the new craze

boss there s a new form of
high-class entertainment
here in the church pew
underworld these days –
naw it s not roping wild
aphids or dunking
millipedes or trying to
catch greased pot-bellied
pigs – as much fun as
all that sounds

the young daredevils of the
church kitchen are calling it
the spaghetti dive and all the
church pew crew now flock
to the top of the water faucet to
dive into the church s leftover
sunday night spaghetti
and meatball dinner

it all started by accident or
at least by drunkenness
rudy the sewer rat thought
he was a high-wire circus
performer tiptoeing along
the edge of the kitchen sink
when he missed a step and
fell headlong into the bowl

help help says he
in between gurgles of
spaghetti sauce

it wasn t long boss before
a crowd began to gather
around the sink s edge
hey looky there rudy s
swimming in the spaghetti
hey rudy whatcha doing

help help was all the
drunken sewer rat could
utter but nobody heard
him through all the sauce

that looks like fun says
sammy salamander let s
dive in too  last one in
is a grumpy old toad

so boss they all dived in
and rudy nearly drowned
in all the splashing but he
was happy he thought it
was the biggest rescue
party he d ever seen

that s how this ungodly
craze started boss and
now freddy flea and
sammy are daring me
to do the dive

some of the more fearless
ones were jumping off
the high dive – the top of
the faucet – complete with
somersaults flips and twists
it was an awesome sight
boss – but not for me

still they kept taunting me
and urging me to do it
finally against my better
judgment and the little
spirit voice inside me
i caved in to the pressure

teetering on the edge of
the kitchen sink i squinted
into the yawning blood-red
spiraling abyss of
spaghetti hell

i was about to turn
around and walk
determinedly back home
when my little mousy toes
slipped and i did a
sprawling double-back
flip over and into the
looming pasta bowl
amid hoots and hollers
and oohs and aahs

i landed with an
ungraceful splash and
a ricocheting meatball
thunked me on the head

boss i was sinking the
spaghetti strands closed
around me dragging me
down down down
i gasped for air and all i
could pray was father
don t let me be entangled
in bondage again

the lord must have heard
me through my spurts and
gurgles because suddenly
louie the songdog s big
smiling hairy jowls
grabbed me by the nape
of my neck pulled me up
out of the spaghetti mire
and set my little feet on
the solid kitchen counter
i kissed it twice boss and
the dog once
            amos

p s – louie the songdog
looks a lot like jesus
to me now boss